In our quest to understand fundamental Islam, let's dive into the 56th surah, named "The Inevitable." It is revealing in that it establishes heaven and hell in Muhammad's image. It is incriminating in that there is no chance these lurid depictions are divine.

Like so much of the Qur'an, "The Inevitable" is style devoid of substance. It has become Muhammad's style to profess an intimate knowledge of heaven and hell, regaling us with vivid teases and torments. They have become the carrot and whip of his self-indulgent rise to power. But the Islamic path remains unlit. While the prophet's fiery hell and lustful heaven have been detailed to distraction, we have precious little doctrine upon which to navigate his new creed. "Surrender or die" is clear enough, but it's clearly not enough to call Muhammad's creation a religion.

Islam's oracle opens the surah as the Prophet of Doom. Qur'an 56:1 "When the inevitable Event befalls abasing, there will be no denying." The Meccans ridiculed most everything Muhammad said, so the wannabe prophet retreated into his imaginary realm, a place he created, a place no one could deny. Qur'an 56:3 "Bringing low. Exalting. The earth shall be shaken with a terrible shaking, and the mountains shall be made to crumble with crumbling, so that they become powdered dust, floating particles." According to the "prophet" the shaking and crumbling was to occur in the year 1110 A.D., half an Islamic day, or 500 normal years, from his coronation as Allah's last messenger. Since the calamitous event known as the Day of Doom was Muhammad's most important and oft repeated prophecy, and since it remains unfulfilled 900 years hence, might we be entitled to question his prophetic credentials?

Qur'an 56:7 "And you shall be three groups. So those on the Right Hand; What will be the Companions of the Right Hand? And the Companions of the Left Hand, What will be the Companions of the Left Hand? And those Foremost will be Foremost. These are they who are nearest. Drawn nigh in Gardens of Delight." These questions remain unanswered throughout this "divine revelation." If they were important enough for god to ask, you'd think they would merit an answer. For if we became Lefties simply because Allah's fickle hand of fate rubbed Adam's back the wrong way, predestining us to hell, then let's bury this religion and free everyone from its impoverished legacy. If a little heavenly petting is the foundation of Islam - let's wave goodbye and rid the world of the terror it inspires.

Qur'an 56:13 "A multitude of those from among the first, and a few from the latter, (will be) on couch-like thrones woven with gold and precious stones. Reclining, facing each other. Round about them will (serve) boys of perpetual (freshness), of never ending bloom, with goblets, jugs, and cups (filled) with sparkling wine. No aching of the head will they receive, nor suffer any madness, nor exhaustion. And with fruits, any that they may select: and the flesh of fowls, any they may desire. And (there will be) Hur (fair females) with big eyes, lovely and pure, beautiful ones, like unto hidden pearls, well-guarded in their shells. A reward for the deeds." Allah's brothel: the best little whorehouse in Mecca.

Let's check out Muhammad's Hadiths on the subject. First, we learn that heaven's rewards will send you to hell. Bukhari:V7B69N494 "I heard the Prophet saying, 'From among my followers there will be some who will consider illegal sexual intercourse, the wearing of silk, the drinking of alcoholic drinks and the use of musical instruments, to be lawful. Allah will destroy them during the night and will let mountains fall on them. He will transform the rest into monkeys and pigs and they will remain so till the Day of Doom.'" Bukhari:V4B54N476-544 "The Prophet said, 'In Paradise they will not urinate, relieve nature, spit, or have any nasal secretions. Everyone will have two virgins who will be so beautiful and transparent the bones of their legs will be seen through their flesh.'"

Returning to the Qur'an's depiction of paradise: Qur'an 56:25 "There hear they no vain speaking nor backbiting, only saying the word, 'Peace! Peace.'" Only saying one word is going to make the Islamic paradise a very boring place. No wonder Allah is providing such a rich menu of entertainment options.

"The Companions of the Right Hand, what will be the Companions of the Right Hand?" Here we go again. The question is asked but not answered. The surah tells us the fate of the Righties without a hint as to who they are or what they did to gain entrance into Allah's brothel. "Among thorn-less lote trees. And among Talh (banana-trees) with flowers piled high, in shade long-extended, by water flowing constantly, and fruit in abundance, whose season is not limited, nor forbidden." The Islamic paradise continues to reflect the parochial view of an abandoned orphan boy struggling to survive the rigors of an unrelenting desert. It's consists of fruits, fowl, shade, flowing water, comfy seating, attentive servants, Viagra-like wine, and lusty virgins. It's a place to die for. But, fair warning, I wouldn't trust a god whose reward in paradise - drinking and fornication - is what he forbids on earth.

Qur'an 56:34 "On couches or thrones raised high. Verily, We have created them (maidens) incomparable: We have formed their maidens as a special creation, and made them to grow a new growth. We made them virgins - pure and undefiled, lovers, matched in age." Muhammad is telling his young recruits that their virgins will regain their virginity after each conquest - "they grow a new growth." He is also telling them that the Islamic paradise is for men only. Their lovers are a "special creation" - not women of this world. And to satisfy their most lustful cravings - their sex partners are plentiful, as in more than one. Their "incomparable maidens, special companions, virgins, and lovers" are always plural - Islam's ménage a trois.

And while Allah dispenses with how the Right-Handers managed to score their decadent reward, he tells us from whence they came. Qur'an 56:39 "A numerous company from among the first, And a (goodly) number from those of later times."

But enough of this frivolity, it's time to roast some infidels. Qur'an 56:41 "The Companions of the Left Hand, what will be the Companions of the Left Hand? (They will be) in the midst of a Fierce Blast of Hot Wind and in Boiling Water, and a shadow of black smoke, neither cool nor pleasant. For that they were wont to be indulged, heretofore they were effete with luxury, and persisted obstinately in the great violation." The great Lefty violation was the abandonment of an orphan boy, depriving him of a share of the family business, and then rejecting his prophetic claims.

Qur'an 56:47 "And they used to say, 'What! when we die and become dust and bones, shall we then be resurrected? And also our forefathers.' Say: 'Yea, those of old and those of later times, All will be gathered together for the tryst, a meeting appointed for a Day well-known.'" This is Muhammad's Day of Doom in which men are exhumed from the grave, their bones and flesh reassembled, so that some can burn in lust while others burn in hell. It's flesh that is gratified and roasted - not spirit.

Qur'an 56:51 "Then, moreover, verily you the erring ones, the deniers, you will surely taste the Tree of Zaqqoom and fill (your) bellies with it. And drink Boiling Water on top of it. Indeed you shall drink like diseased camels raging with thirst! Such will be their entertainment, their welcome on the Day of Doom." If nothing else, you have to give Muhammad credit for originality. It's hard to imagine a god this entertaining, albeit in a demented way.

Qur'an 56:57 "It is We Who have created you: admit the truth and then surrender." That's Islam in a nutshell. Admit Muhammad is a prophet and then acquiesce to his will or you will eat thorns and drink scalding water. "Then tell Me the semen that you emit, throwing out. Is it you who create it, or are We the Creators? [It's only natural - the god of lust is the god of semen.] We have decreed/predestined/ordained Death for you all, and We are not to be frustrated from replacing you with others in (forms) that you know not." Muhammad and Allah shared many things in common, including the thought that men were replaceable. They used fiery threats and lustful taunts to seduce an unending supply of martyrs to fight and die for the things they coveted. Islam wasn't invented to save men but to abuse them.

Qur'an 56:68 "Have you observed the water which you drink? Do you shed it from the clouds or are We the Shedder? If We pleased, We could have made it salty and bitter; why do you not give thanks?" The Shedder thing was scientifically inaccurate and hardly a proof, so would you believe... "Have you observed the fire which you kindle? Is it you that produce the trees for it, or are We the producers?" Now you know why Yahweh chose to use miracles and prophecies to prove the Bible's divine inspiration. Unable to do either, Allah stammered.

Qur'an 56:73 "We, even We, have made it [wood] a memorial (of the Hell Fire), and an article of comfort and convenience for the denizens of deserts [where there are fewer trees than anywhere else]. Therefore celebrate with praises the name of thy Lord, the Tremendous!" There are more... Qur'an 56:75 "Furthermore I call to witness the falling Stars, and that is indeed a mighty adjuration, a tremendous oath, if only you knew, that this is indeed a noble recitation (of the Qur'an)." Among the long line of unintelligible segues, this is a standout. We transitioned from calling incinerating space pebbles mighty witnesses to the Qur'an being noble. "In a Book kept hidden that is protected which none shall touch but those who are clean, the purified ones." Time out. A revelation by definition can't be hidden. Since this revelation, the Qur'an, is the foundation of Islam - how did they manage to foul it up? "A Revelation from the Lord of men and jinn. Is it such a talk that you would hold in light esteem, a statement to scorn? Do you then hold this announcement in contempt?" In a word, yes. As did the Meccans who knew it and Muhammad best.

The next ten verses are so muddled, the message is undecipherable even with the Arabic translators adding forty-seven words to help their god out. Qur'an 56:82 "And instead (of thanking) for the provision He gives you, you deny (Him by disbelief). To give (it) the lie you make your means of subsistence. Then why do you not (intervene) when (the soul of the dying man) reaches the throat, And you the while (sit) looking on, But We (Our angels who take souls) are nearer unto him than you, but you see not. Then why do you not, if you are exempt from (future) account (punishment), and not in bondage (unto Us), Do you not force it (the soul) back (into its body), if you are true (in the claim of independence)? Thus, then, if he (the dying person) is of those drawn nigh, (There is for him) breath of life and plenty, and a Garden of Delights. And if he is of those on the Right Hand, Then (the greeting) 'Safety and peac.' (from the punishment of Allah)." If this is divinely inspired scripture, I'm William Shakespeare.

In the final verses of the 56th surah, Muhammad's dark spirit returns to his favorite subject. Qur'an 56:92 "But if he (the dying person), be of the denying (of the Day of Doom), erring (away from Islam), then for him is the entertainment with boiling water and roasting in hell fire. Verily. this is the absolute truth with certainty, so celebrate (Muhammad)."

Stunning. The entertainment for those who reject this dark dogma is to be roasted and boiled. What kind of god would tell his prophet to "celebrate" human torture? Since no god could possibly be this disturbed, this demented, should Muhammad be despised for perpetrating this fraud, or pitied? Should Muslims be freed from this delusion or should we simply sit back and watch them celebrate their torturous acts of terror today?

Islam confirmed this fatalistic right and left hand stuff in a Bukhari Hadith and then again in the Qur'an's 56th surah. Bukhari:V6B60N473 "Every created soul has his place written for him either in Paradise or in the Hell Fire. His happy or miserable fate is predetermined for him." The Qur'an says: Qur'an 56:8 "Those of the right hand - how happy will be those of the right hand! Those of the left hand - how unhappy will be those of the left hand! ...Who will be honored in the Garden of Bliss; a number of the earlier peoples, and a few of the later ages, on couches wrought of gold reclining face to face. Youth of never-ending bloom [perpetual virgins] will pass round. Cups and decanters full of sparkling wine, they shall not be affected with headache thereby, nor shall they get exhausted [Allah's Viagra?]. And such fruits as they fancy, bird meats that they relish and companions pure and beautiful with big eyes like pearls within their shells as a reward." A drunken orgy is the reward for being a "right hander." It's no wonder they find boys willing to die for the cause.

Qur'an 56:33 "Unending and unforbidden, exalted beds, and maidens incomparable. We have formed them in a distinctive fashion and made them virgins, loving companions matched in age, for the sake of those of the right hand." This view of Paradise is so vulgar, demeaning, sexist, and immoral, I find it repulsive. The next time you hear a Muslim say that the god of the Qur'an and the God of the Bible are the same remind them of their god's idea of a good time. The next time you hear Muslims condemn the West for its sexual decadence and perversion, ask them to read their Qur'an.

This is the fate the sadistic god of Islam selected and then predestined for the "lefties:" Qur'an 56:41 "But those of the left hand - how unhappy those of the left hand. They will be in the scorching hot wind and boiling water, under the shadow of thick black smoke, neither cool nor agreeable. ...They will be gathered together on a certain day which [like their fate] is predetermined. Then you, the erring and the deniers will eat Zaqqoom [a thorn tree]. Fill your bellies with it, and drink scalding water, lapping it up like female camels raging of thirst and diseased. Such will be their entertainment, their welcome on the Day of Doom...the welcome of boiling water and the entertainment of roasting in Hell. This is indeed the ultimate truth." According to the "ultimate truth" only 1 in 1,000 people will avoid "the entertainment of roasting while lapping up thorns and scalding water."

Allah is fixated on tormenting his creation. He speaks of pain and punishment more frequently than any other subject - a thousand times in the Qur'an. And if "God" thinks this is entertaining, we've got a problem.

Fortunately for mankind, Allah isn't God. He's just a warped figment of Muhammad's sadistic imagination. And while that's good, it's also bad. Over a billion people claim to be subservient to Allah. Sixty percent are young, and many of them are willing to die for their virginal reward.